i have a question thats bothering me alot for a while now..and i recently got divorce about a year now and i have no kids, its been a year now. my question is since i didnt' knew the guy before i got married and i got married to hum coz my parents thought he was nice for me..now since it happened with me i thought it would be nice if i know somebody before i get married not in a sense of dating but just talking and knowing whether he is a right person or wrong.. the point is i dont' want to hurt myself or end uplike this again so my question is does islam allows a girl to pick the guy and marriage i want some information regarding this.. i would appreciate your help
Praise be to Allaah.
has prescribed asking the father’s permission when one wants to marry
his daughter, whether she is a virgin or has previously been married.
is the girl’s right to have sufficient information about the person who
wants to marry her. This may be achieved by enquiring about him through
various channels, such as asking some of her relatives to ask his friends
and those who know him well about him, because they may know a lot about
his good and bad points which other people would not know about.
it is not permissible for her under any circumstances to be alone with him
(khulwah) before marriage, or to take off her hijaab in front
of him. It is well known that in such meetings the man does not show his
true nature, but rather he is on his best behaviour and tries to make a
good impression. Even if she were to be alone with him or to go out with
him, he will not show her his
true character. Many of those who go out with a fiancé in this sinful
manner end up in tragedy and these sinful steps, whether they were taken
in private or in public, do not bring any benefits.
the fiancé will use sweet words and play with the emotions of his fiancée
when he goes out with her, and he shows her his best side, but when she
makes enquiries about him and tries to find out more about him, she will
discover something entirely different. So going out with him or being
alone with him does not solve the problem. Even if for the sake of
argument we were to say that it does serve some purpose in finding out
about the man's character, the resulting sin and possibility of leading to
bad consequences is far greater than that (potential benefit). This is why
Islam forbids being alone with a strange (non-mahram) man – and the
fiancé is still a stranger – or taking off one’s hijaab in front of
should not forget another important matter, which is that after the
marriage ceremony (nikaah) and before the wedding night (when the marriage
is celebrated and consummated), the woman has ample opportunity to get to
know the man's character up close and to make sure about him, because now
it is permissible for her to be alone with him and to go out with him, so
long as the marriage contract has been concluded. If she discovers
something bad that she really cannot put up with, then she can ask
him for Khul’ (divorce). But usually the outcome is not so bad, so long
as one has made enquiries about the person and found out about him in a
proper fashion before the nikaah.
ask Allaah to choose what is best for you and to make things easy for you
wherever you are. May Allaah bless our Prophet Muhammad.