He is worried about the corruption that his child may be exposed to in secondary school (high school)

 

I have a son who is ten years old, and he is supposed to go to secondary school, but the school system is affected by many kinds of corruption. Is it better for him to study at home (homeschooling), even though the level of teaching may not be high, or should I let him go to the secondary school and be exposed to corruption?.

Praise be to Allaah.

What is mentioned in the question is a very real dilemma,
the matter of protecting children’s hearts and minds against the ideas,
beliefs and theories they will encounter in  the school curriculum that
are  contrary to the basic principles of Islam. Protecting the children’s
morals, attitudes and behaviour, despite what they are exposed to in mixed
schools that is contrary to all of that, is a dilemma; it is the dilemma
of confronting specious arguments and whims and desires at the same time.
What seems to be the case here is that it is the father’s duty to choose
for his son the best school and the one that is farthest removed from
these corruptions. If it is difficult to find something purely good in one
place, then he should look for something that is most good and less
harmful and evil. 

What you have to do for your son is to choose an Islamic
school for him that is not mixed, even if that costs more in school fees or
involves greater effort in moving house to find the school. Indeed, we
advise you, if there is no such school in the city where you live, to move
the family to another location where you will be able to find a suitable
Islamic school for your children, if that is possible for you, even if it
involves some hardship for you. 

If that is not possible, then you can replace these school
with education at home (homeschooling), even if the standard of education is
slightly lower. So go ahead with that, and give precedence to protecting
your children’s religious commitment and morals over everything else. 

If you are not able to do that, and you have no choice but to
put your son in these schools, then you will have the burden of following up
on your son, watching out for him, and resisting the causes of corruption
that he will encounter. 

If you are saved from it, you will have been saved from
something major.  

But we think that it is very difficult to make this choice
and continue doing it as it should be done. Hence the options mentioned
above may be more realistic and logical. 

See also the answer to question no.
127946 

We ask Allah to guide you and help you to shoulder this
responsibility. 

And Allah knows best.

How to deal with your children when they are heedless about prayer

 

I want to make my children keen to pray, because they will pray once then forget about prayer many times. I always advise them and pray to Allah to guide them. How can I encourage them and make them love prayer?.

Praise be to Allaah.

Firstly: 

There is no doubt that prayer is very
important and is the most important matter in Islam, as it is the 
foundation of religion, the means of success and a sign of piety (taqwa). It
is the first thing for which a person will be brought to account on the Day
of Resurrection: if it is sound, then all his deeds will be sound, but if it
is lacking, then all his deeds will be lacking. 

Undoubtedly doing one’s utmost to give a
child a sound Islamic upbringing and teach him to establish prayer and fear
Allah in word and deed, is a sign of success and being guided.  

Allah, may He be glorified and exalted, said
to His Messenger (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) “And enjoin
As‑Salaah (the prayer) on your family, and be patient in offering them [i.e.
the Salaah (prayers)]” [Ta-Ha 20:132 -- interpretation of the meaning]. 

i.e., urge your family to pray and encourage
them to offer both obligatory and naafil prayers. The command to do
something is also a command to do everything without which that thing cannot
be done, so it is a command to teach them what makes prayer valid or
invalid, and what makes it complete or perfect. 

Tafseer al-Sa‘di,
p. 517 

And Allah says of His Prophet Ismaa‘eel
(peace be upon him):

“And he used to enjoin on his family and
his people As‑Salaah (the prayers) and the Zakât, and his Lord was pleased
with him”

[Maryam 19:55 -- interpretation of the
meaning]. 

And Allaah says to those who believe
(interpretation of the meaning):

“O you who believe! Ward off yourselves
and your families against a Fire (Hell) whose fuel is men and stones, over
which are (appointed) angels stern (and) severe…”

[al-Tahreem 66:6]

i.e., enjoin them to do good and forbid them
to do evil, and do not neglect them lest they be consumed by the Fire on the
Day of Resurrection. 

Tafseer Ibn Katheer,
5/240 

Abu Dawood (495) and Ahmad (6650) narrated
from ‘Amr ibn Shu‘ayb from his father, that his grandfather said: The
Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said:
“Instruct your children to pray when they are seven years old, and smack
them if they do not do it when they are ten, and separate them in their
beds.” Classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in al-Irwa’ (247). 

Shaykh Ibn Baaz (may Allah have mercy on
him) said: 

Pay attention to your family members and do
not neglect them, O slave of Allah. You have to strive hard to guide them.
Instruct your sons and daughters to pray when they are seven, and smack them
if they do not pray when they are ten, a light smack to help them obey Allah
and help them get used to praying on time, so that they will adhere to the
religion of Allah and know the truth, as it says in the saheeh Sunnah of the
Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him). 

Majmoo‘ Fataawa Ibn Baaz
(6/46). 

Secondly: 

With regard to the means of disciplining
children and raising them with the prayer and to respect its importance, it
may be summed up as follows: 

-        
It is essential that
there be a real life example, in the parents’ being keen to offer the
prayers on time.

-        
The father should be
keen to take his sons with him to pray, and the mother should be keen to
tell her daughters to pray regularly at home.

-        
Explaining the
importance of prayer and that it is an important pillar of Islam, without
which one’s religious commitment cannot be complete.

-        
Encouraging them to
establish prayer on time, and explaining that Allah has promised Paradise
for establishing prayer, as Abu Dawood (425) narrated that ‘Ubaadah ibn
al-Saamit said: I bear witness that I heard the Messenger of Allah
(blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) say: “Allah, may He be exalted,
has enjoined the five daily prayers: whoever does wudoo’ for them properly,
prays them on time, bows properly in them and focuses with proper humility (khushoo‘),
has a promise from Allah that He will forgive him. And whoever does not do
that has no such promise from Allah; if He wills He will forgive him and if
He wills, He will punish him.” Classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh
Abi Dawood.

Whoever would like to have a promise from
Allah, let him pray, and whoever does not care to have a promise from Him
and to expose himself to His wrath and punishment, let him forsake prayer!

And one may also quote hadeeths which
mentioned promises and warning with regard to prayer.

-        
Making the most of
all available means to give gentle advice, provide books and tapes that
speak of prayer and explain how important it is.

-        
Encourage children
to keep company with those who pray regularly, whilst instilling positive
motives in their minds to compete in establishing prayer and attaining good.

-        
Offering moral and
material support, such as giving gifts, offering words of praise and
encouragement and so on.

-        
Following the
example of the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) in means
of dealing with the issue of prayer, as mentioned above in the hadeeth of
Abu Dawood, such as instructing them to pray when they reach the age of
seven, then smacking them if they do not pray when they reach the age of
ten, whilst paying attention to wisdom with regard to the matter of
smacking: using it if it is thought most likely to be of benefit, and only
being strict and harsh at the appropriate time.

-        
Using means such as
shunning and forsaking if a child stops praying or neglects prayer; this is
a kind of effective punishment that is prescribed in Islam.

-        
Offering a great
deal of supplication (du‘aa’) and beseeching Allah, asking Him to guide them
to the straight path and make them pious people who pray regularly. This in
fact is one of the greatest means of guiding one’s children, although many
people neglect it.

-        
The parents should
never tire of reminding, advising and disciplining, even if the children
neglect prayer repeatedly, and they should never despair of their children’s
being guided. No one knows when a word will be of benefit or not. 

For more information, please see the answers
to questions no. 10016,
103420 and
127233. 

And Allah knows best.

Her uncle sexually abused her and this has affected her psychologically

 

My uncle(mother's brother) used to come to my house once in a while. i have been molested by him when i was about 12. That time i didn't know how to handle it. i couln't tell it to my mother as i was scared. After i crossed 15 he stopped. this has been troubling me for a long time. i never mentioned about this to anyone. sometimes i cry thinking about it. is their any dua that would help me here. one thing i know is i didn't commit any sin here expect for not telling my parents. and Allah knows how much this incident has affected my soul..

Praise be to Allaah.
 

 

Undoubtedly what your uncle did  is a crime
that deserves punishment in this world and torment in the Hereafter. Many people’s religious conscience has been weakened by what they see and
read, which provokes their desire, so they fulfil their desires in ways that Allaah has forbidden. One of the most abhorrent and evil examples of
that is incest between a man and his mahrams (female relatives to whom marriage is forbidden), which is deserving of a severe punishment in the
Hereafter. 

Your mistake was not telling anyone in your
family so that they could put a stop to what this uncle was doing. But because that is in the past and has now ended, and you hated the situation
from the outset, there is no sin on you now. 

You have to try to forget the evil thing that
he did, and learn a lesson from it for the future, for yourself and your children. We advise you to pray to Allaah and ask Him to relieve you of
your worry and take away your distress. Some du’aa’s that have been narrated in the Sunnah are as follows: 

(a)      
It was narrated that Anas ibn Maalik said: The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) used to say: 

“Allaahumma inni a’oodhu bika min al-hamm
wa’l-hazn wa’l-‘ajz wa’l-kasal wa’l-bukhl wa’l-jubn wa dala’ al-dayn wa ghalbat al-rijaal (O Allaah, I seek refuge with You from distress,
grief, incapacity, laziness, miserliness, cowardice, the burden of debt and from being overpowered by men).” 

Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 6008. 

Ibn Hajar said: 

The interpretation of these things is:
“distress” means bad things that the mind imagines are happening at present; “grief” for what has happened in the past; “incapacity” is the
opposite of ability; “laziness” is the opposite of being energetic; “miserliness” is the opposite of generosity; “cowardice” is the opposite of
courage. 

Fath al-Baari. 

(b)     
It was narrated that ‘Abd-Allaah ibn Mas’ood said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said:
“There is no-one who is afflicted by distress and grief, and says: ‘Allaahumma inni ‘abduka ibn ‘abdika ibn amatija naasyati bi yadika, maada
fiyya hukmuka, ‘adlun fiyya qadaa’uka. As’aluka bi kulli ismin huwa laka sammayta bihi nafsaka aw anzaltahu fi kitaabika aw ‘allamtahu ahadan min
khalqika aw ista’tharta bihi fi ‘ilm il-ghayb ‘indaka an taj’al al-Qur’aana rabee’ qalbi wa noor sadri wa jalaa’ huzni wa dhihaab hammi (O
Allaah, I am Your slave, son of Your slave, son of Your maidservant; my forelock is in Your hand, Your command over me is forever executed and
Your decree over me is just. I ask You by every name belonging to You which You have named Yourself with, or revealed in Your Book, or You taught
to any of Your creation, or You have preserved in the knowledge of the Unseen with You, that You make the Qur’aan the life of my heart and the
light of my breast, and a departure for my sorrow and a release for my anxiety),’ but Allaah will take away his distress and grief, and replace it
with joy.” He was asked: “O Messenger of Allaah, should we learn this?” He said: “Of course; everyone who hears it should learn it.” 

Narrated by Ahmad, 3704; classed as saheeh by
Shaykh al-Albaani in al-Silsilah al-Saheehah, 199. 

So do not give in to the pain of the past and forget yourself. You have to keep yourself busy
with acts of obedience to Allaah, such as memorizing Qur’aan, reading books of knowledge and the biographies of the righteous salaf, and look for
good friends. 

We ask Allaah to bless you with that and
more. 

And Allaah is the Source of strength.

Their father is active in da’wah but they are complaining about his bad treatment of his family

 

My father goes with jamaat etc, and spends a lot of time in markez and mosque. But when he is home he is only arguing with his family. Especially his wife, he treats her as the lowest thing on earth, and he never lkistend to her. He evenmade her break contacts with her side of the family, and she is very hurt and cries a lot. In his eyes he is better than her family etc. He never listens to any of us. He says what he says is right and that Islam agrees with him. This is not right because Islams shouldnt agree with anyone, we should agree with Islam. And Islam does not teach to not listen to your wife and argue and not treat your wife in a right way. We do not know what to do, it is like he is terrorising us. He neve speaks to any of us in a normal way, its only like get me this or get me that, and else he will only but comment us for anything, like why are you holding a pen like that, the strangest things. But the most is that he is hurting my mum, by acting like this, and she is already ill. I am desperate, and so is my family, we dont know what to do. Please help us as son as you can, please.

Praise be to Allaah.
 

 

The Muslim must develop a good attitude and commendable conduct. He has to avoid
the things that incur the wrath of Allaah, and say only that which is best. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): 

“And say to My slaves (i.e. the true believers of Islamic Monotheism) that they
should (only) say those words that are the best. (Because) Shaytaan (Satan) verily, sows a state of conflict and disagreements among them. Surely,
Shaytaan (Satan) is to man a plain enemy”

[al-Isra’ 17:53] 

The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said:
“The believer does not slander, curse, or speak in an obscene or foul manner.” Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 1977, from the hadeeth of ‘Abd-Allaah ibn
Mas’ood. Classed as saheeh by Ibn Hibaan, 1/421; al-Haakim, 1/57; al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami’, 5381. 

It was narrated that Abu’l-Darda’ (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: The
Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: Allaah hates the obscene, foul-mouthed person.” Narrated and classed as
saheeh by al-Tirmidhi, 2002. 

Al-San’aani said: 

This hadeeth tells us that swearing and cursing are not characteristics of the
true believer, but an exception is made in the case of cursing kaafirs, drinkers of alcohol and those whom Allaah and His Messenger cursed. 

Subul al-Salaam, 4/198. 

So the believer has to develop the attitude described in the Qur’aan, and the attitude
exemplified by the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), especially towards his family. The Messenger of Allaah (peace
and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said, “The best of you is the one who is best to his family.” 

Al-Shawkaani (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: 

Here we are told that the best of the people are those who are best towards their families
because the family are the ones who most deserve to cheerfulness, good attitude and kindness; benefits should be brought to them and harm warded
off from them. If a man is like that then he is the best of people, but if he is the opposite then he is the worst type. People often make this
mistake, so you see a man who, when he meets his family he treats them in the worst and most unkind manner, and when he meets strangers who are
not part of his family, he is gentle and polite and kind to them. Undoubtedly a person who is like that is deprived of divine support and is going
astray from the straight path. We ask Allaah to keep us safe and sound.  

Nayl al-Awtaar, 6/360. 

The group with whom your father is going out is well known for having and
promoting good characteristics, so the basic principle is that he is like that too, and that he fears Allaah. We say to you – if what you say
about your father is true – that this is a test, and you have to be patient and pray that Allaah will guide him to the best of attitudes and
characteristics. 

Patience undoubtedly brings a great reward. His wife must also be patient and put
up with her husband’s annoyance, and obey him with regard to that which Allaah has permitted. If he is forbidding her to visit her relatives for a
legitimate shar’i reason, then he has the right to do that, but if there is no legitimate reason then she has to obey him, but he is sinning, and
the wife will be rewarded in sha Allaah. 

More advice may be found in the answer to question no.
482. We advise you to look at that, and we advise both husband and wife to read the
answer to question no. 10608, which explains the rights of each spouse over the
other. 

And Allaah knows best.

 

Her son controls her

 

Our problem concerns my husband’s mother. Her youngest son is living with her and he does not do anything for himself and does not work, even though he is in excellent health. He is forty years old and he controls his mother. She does whatever he dictates to her to do. My husband has been spending on them for 35 years. This son of hers incites her against everyone and dictates who she may be pleased with, according to his interests. My husband works abroad and I cannot visit her because he does not want me there. She threw me and my children out and she is foul-mouthed and does not fear Allaah. They visited me when my husband was here and she and her son attacked me and tried to hit me, and they managed to hurt me. My husband and my son who is a university student defended me. The outcome was that they hurt us, then she went out in the street where she started to scream. She went to the police, and she made a complaint against everyone and demanded that my daughters and I be detained in a place that was not befitting for us. Even the police officer told her that we are respectable. My husband and son were detained and he was supposed to sit exams. His studies have been delayed for a year because of this. After the trial, we paid her the required maintenance; before that my husband used to give her more, but my husband cannot visit her, and the reason for that is that she had her daughter’s husband and his son jailed when they visited her. The problem is that whoever visits her, her son locks the door and calls the police; even her own daughters have the same problem. When her oldest son visited her, he could not enter and her youngest son stopped him and took the money and gifts (that he had brought) and told him, “Your mother will pray to Allaah against you.” 


I do not know what to do or say. I complain to Allaah of my worries. I would like to visit her and honour her, but they is no way I can do that because they fabricate lies against everyone who visits them. What should I do, knowing that I am a grandmother and I fear Allaah. What can I do and what is the shar’i ruling on this?.

Praise be to Allaah.
 

 

The way your husband’s mother has behaved is strange. How can
her son control her and make her act in this manner? But despite all that
your husband has to honour his mother as much as he can, and Allaah does not
burden any soul beyond its scope. If he can visit her when this son is not
present, that is good. If he can keep in touch with her by phone, then let
him do so, and explain to her what he feels, this is good as well. If he can
get some people to intervene, women and others, who can influence his
mother, then let him do so. And he should seek the help of Allaah and make a
lot of du’aa’. 

The fact that your husband defended himself in court and in
front of the police is also good. 

If he takes his brother who wronged him to court to stop him
from doing more harm, that is permissible, but if he bears it with patience
that is better for him. 

Trying to get your husband’s mother away from this oppressive
brother (as described in the question) is a good idea, so as to remove the
means that your brother is using to try to control the whole family. 

There is nothing wrong with you stopping visiting her for
now, until things settle down, so that you will not be harmed again as
happened before, especially since your husband’s mother is not one of your
relatives with whom you are enjoined to uphold ties and honour them. If you
do not visit her this is not regarded as disobedience or severing of family
ties. 

Yes, you will be
rewarded for visiting her and treating her kindly, if you do that sincerely
for the sake of Allaah, and this is part of treating your husband kindly,
but it is not obligatory for you to do that, especially since she is badly
behaved and has a bad attitude. And Allaah knows best.

She is upset by her husband’s many guests who come all the time

 

My husband likes to invite people all the time in our house. this causes me a great deal of inconvenience and upsets me as it takes out of our private time as a couple. to what extent we are obliged to our guests? and what is our rights and responsibilities towrads our guests in islam?.

Praise be to Allaah.
 

 

It was narrated that Abu Shurayh al-‘Adawi
said: I heard with my own two ears and I saw with my own two eyes when the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) spoke and
said: “Whoever believes in Allaah and the Last Day, let him honour his neighbour; whoever believes in Allaah and the Last Day, let him honour his
guest as he is entitled.” It was said, ‘What is his entitlement, O Messenger of Allaah?” He said, “[The best treatment] for one day and one night;
and hospitality is for three days, and anything after that is charity bestowed upon him. And whoever believes in Allaah and the Last Day, let him,
speak good words or else remain silent.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 5560; Muslim, 69. This version was narrated by al-Bukhaari. 

The guest has rights, as the Prophet
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said. There should be no doubt about this matter. If guests come without being invited, they should be
honoured, as the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said. 

Yes, if they are bad friends or are those who
have nothing better to do and impose themselves on others all the time, then they should be treated in a manner that befits them, because they
annoy the people with their actions.  

But if it is your husband who is inviting a
lot of people to your house, then in this case you should speak to him in a gentle manner, and come to an agreement about how to invite people, so
that he will not invite anyone without speaking to you first, and you can agree to reduce the number of invitations in a suitable manner. 

You – may Allaah bless you – should not
express displeasure to your husband when the guests are there, because this is something that will make matters worse and will not solve the
problem. You have to be patient, because patience is the key to finding a way out. 

Strive to create a calm atmosphere in your
house, with good words and kind treatment. Some husband may resort to inviting a lot of friends over in an effort to relax, because their wives
may not be good at creating an atmosphere that suits their husbands, so that makes them look for this atmosphere with their friends. So try to
understand your husband’s nature so that you can create a suitable atmosphere that will make him happy and relaxed, which is what is he is looking
for with his friends. 

We ask Allaah to set things straight between
you, and to help you to do that which He loves and which pleases Him.

Are there social classes in Islam?

 

 

Praise be to Allaah.

Human societies have known all kinds of class systems.
In some societies there is a class of princes, a class of warriors, a class of farmers and
a class of slaves, and based on this there is a lot of oppression, abuse and trampling on
people’s rights. But the sharee’ah or law of Allaah does not recognize such
systems at all. Islam gives equal rights to all, rich and poor, noble and ignoble. The
basic principle on which people are differentiated in Islam is mentioned in the Holy
Qur’aan, in Soorat al-Hujuraat (interpretation of the meaning):

“O mankind! We have created you from a male and a female, and
made you into nations and tribes, that you may know one another. Verily, the most
honourable of you with Allaah is that (believer) who has al-taqwa [i.e., is one of the
muttaqoon or pious]. Verily, Allaah is All-Knowing, All-Aware”

[al-Hujuraat 49:13]

The Prophet
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “O
people! Verily your Lord is One and your father [Adam] is one. An Arab is no better than a
non-Arab, and a non-Arab is no better than an Arab; a red man is no better than a black
man and a black man is no better than a red man – except if it is in terms of taqwa
(piety)…” (Reported by Imaam Ahmad, 22391; al-Silsilat al-Saheeh,
2700).

This is the principle on which society is based in
Islam. This is the global human society which mankind is trying to attain through its
far-fetched ideas, but is failing to do so, because they are not following the one
straight path that will lead them there, the way to God, may He be glorified, and because
they are not standing under the one banner that could unite them, the banner of God, may
He be exalted.

People live on this earth connected by all kinds of relationships, all
of which carry some weight or have some attraction in their lives… these include
lineage, power, wealth, etc. From these stem other connections, practical, economic, etc.,
where people have different positions and levels of status with regard to one another. So
some people have more status than others in worldly terms… Then Islam comes and says:
“the most honourable of you with Allaah [God] is that (believer) who has al-taqwa
[i.e., is one of the muttaqoon or pious]” so it ignores all the values that carry
weight in people’s lives, and replaces them all with this new value that is derived
directly from the Revelation and is the only one that is recognized in the standards of
God. This is piety and consciousness of God, which is manifested in the worship of God
lone, with no partner, no son, no equal… obeying what He commands and avoiding what
He forbids, seeking His pleasure and Paradise, and fearing His punishment and Hell-fire.

Allaah is All-Seer of His slaves.